Like other women in my social circle, I have certain demands for a potential mate. He doesn't have to make much more than I do, but he must be doing at least as well as I am, and has to be compatible with me, both morally and spiritually ... He should also own an apartment instead of us buying one together. Remember what Virginia Wolf [sic] said? Every woman should have a room of her own.
Until recently, Indian marriages had all the trappings of a business transaction involving two deal-making families, a hardboiled matchmaker and a vocal board of shareholders – concerned uncles and aunts. The couple was almost incidental to the deal. They just dressed and showed up for the wedding ceremony. And after that the onus was on them to adjust to the 1,001 relatives, get to know each other and make the marriage work.
“Don’t rush things, of course. Though we’re all looking for a special someone, it’s more fun when you don’t try looking for ‘the one’ but rather stumble right into them. I don’t want to frame someone I’ve just met as someone I can potentially be in a relationship with. I want to get to know that person first as a friend, and maybe discover there’s real chemistry that indicates a relationship is worth pursuing. I’m really just looking for a good conversation before anything else.”
Your biological clock is ticking away, meanwhile his might not even be turned on. Women in their mid-20s to early 30s are prime for baby-making, but “younger men don’t have the ‘dad” gene in them until they get to be more established and mature,” says New York City-based matchmaker Janis Spindel. So if you want kids, it could be several years until your youthful partner is ready to face the reality of raising one.
Speed dating consists of organized matchmaking events that have multiple single persons meet one-on-one in brief timed sessions so that singles can assess further whether to have subsequent dates. An example is meeting perhaps twenty potential partners in a bar with brief interviews between each possible couple, perhaps lasting three minutes in length, and shuffling partners. In Shanghai, one event featured eight-minute one-on-one meetings in which participants were pre-screened by age and education and career, and which costs 50 yuan ($6 USD) per participant; participants are asked not to reveal contact information during the brief meeting with the other person, but rather place names in cards for organizers to arrange subsequent dates. Advantages of speed dating: efficiency; "avoids an embarrassing disaster date"; cost-effective; way to make friends. Disadvantages: it can turn into a beauty contest with only a few good-looking participants getting most offers, while less attractive peers received few or no offers; critics suggest that the format prevents factors such as personality and intelligence from emerging, particularly in large groups with extra-brief meeting times.
3. European men aren’t into labelling. Unlike American culture, where there’s almost a rite of passage which takes two people from “hooking up” to “seeing each other” to “dating” to “exclusive”, these labels just aren’t a focus or concern for European men. They don’t over analyze the situation. Rather, the mentality is, “I like you, I want to see you, and if it’s enjoyable, let’s keep seeing each other”. It’s more organic and instead of defining the relationship in order to know how to act, they let the relationship unfold and the label of boyfriend/girlfriend just naturally develops in the process.